Drunk on Akio
by Moth
Summary: This is what happens when i get drunk on Akio... suggested listening: George Micheal's 'I want your sex' Mild language...


(Author's note: alright, to fully grasp this I have to include something a friend of mine wrote. She has a account here, but I can't recall her name at the moment. So this first part of this is hers, I have permission so don't go shooting me or anything. Again this was taken from my email group, but I find it wonderfully funny with all it's silliness. This is what happens when people put me in an Akio mood...)  
  
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Characters:   
Raven: A demon, daughter to the lord of hell.  
Damien: Raven's older brother, the anti-Christ  
Sesako: Raven's whore of a mother, a succubus  
Kruez: raven's recently immortal love muffin, a Slayer (one who kills demons)  
Akio: A sexy god-like bishi from Utena  
Akio car:....its just plain scary.  
Moth-hime: that'd be me  
  
Some things to know:  
Gomen means excuse me, or sorry, or pardon me.  
Neko is cat.  
Chibi is something small, childlike.   
(I've actually heard people call a small child just Chibi...)  
Hime means princess.  
(moth-hime would mean Princess Moth...)  
Arigato gozaimasu means thank you.  
Utena is an Anime.  
(shojo kakume utena...I might have spelt that wrong)  
Moth likes to speak in funny half japanese.  
  
=====  
  
***taken from Sil's posty so that you might not look at me all baffled like***  
  
He moved around Raven to the back of where she was sitting and kissed her   
lightly on the neck as he wrapped his arms around her. "You know..."   
He twirled a piece of her hair around his finger as he remained behind her.   
"If your dad had a fit when he found out what I was.." His voice dropped to   
a whisper.  
  
"What would your mom do?" He grinned and kissed her neck again...  
  
***now it's time for my shit***  
  
  
"She would prob'ly try to fuck you or something..." raven sighed, her eyes  
half-closed and downcast. She was caught up in a lapse of momentary  
woe...meetings were so boring. "My mother is not the most celibate of  
people." she chuckled.  
  
"Well, that certainly is not a nice thing to say about your mother, raven.  
Especially when she's the one who carried you around for 9 painful months."  
There was a sound like a fan opening and raven could feel the air shift  
around her.  
  
"Oh hell..." she muttered. She didn't even need to look up to know that her  
mother was standing just above her, her large fan creating a wind that  
stirred her blond curls slightly across the top of breasts that barely fit  
into the too tight dress that left very little to the imagination.  
  
"Hmm, you know your father just came home absolutely raving! I can hardly  
see why though..." Raven's mother smiled coyly at Kruez, batting her lashes.  
"You know, I've always had something for you slayers...it's a shame you kill  
us and all, we could have such...interesting- When i was a girl i used to  
have this fantasy-"  
  
"MOM!" Raven screamed, sitting up.  
  
"What? Oh, when did you get here sweetie. I've just been talking to this  
positively charming young man," she didn't seem to notice that this 'charming  
young man' happened to have his arms wrapped around her daughter at the  
moment. "Young man, this is my daughter, raven. I am Saseko, Empress of the  
Underworld. And this is my son D-Damien! Come away from the couch dear,  
there is someone i want you to meet!"  
  
raven suddenly looked very horrified. "Mom, you didn't..."  
  
"I thought it would be nice if you saw your big brother. Your father said  
you were in a bit of a -mood-."  
  
"Can i go home now?" A rather unremarkable boy appeared in the room. he had  
dark unkempt hair and wore a constant frown. "I missing my show."  
  
"Damien, behave and say hello to your sister." Saseko scolded. The boy made  
some noncommittal grunt. "Damien!"  
  
"All right all right. Shit, it's not like never see-" the boy muttered. "Hello  
Rav-Who the hell are you and why are you touching my sister!" The boy yelled  
suddenly, glaring at Kruez. The things on the counter began to rumble, the  
stove suddenly turned on. the eggs exploded... "Get you damn hands off my  
sister!"  
  
"Raven, sweetie, why don't you come here. I've had the Tailors wipe some  
wonderful things up for the meeting." Saseko smiled, blissfully unaware of the  
havoc Damien was causing. She grabbed raven by the wrist and pulled her away  
from the table while things continued to explode in raven's house. "Now i  
think this one is particularly adorable," Raven's mother cooed, tapping  
raven on the head with her fan. Raven's clothes were suddenly replaced by a  
black and pink ruffle-y little bow peep-ish style dress with a scythe instead of  
a shepherd's hook. "What do you think, young man." She smiled at Kruez but  
did not wait for an answer. She smacked raven over the head again and again  
raven's clothes changed. The woman giggled girlishly, enjoying this immensely.  
  
Meanwhile, Damien continued to make things explode, not seeming to notice that  
Kruez was no longer even touching Raven nor that his mother was using his  
younger sibling as an oversized dress up dolly. "If you don't get your  
hands off my sister..." the fires on the stove rose higher. There was a  
sudden scratching at the door, like a cat...but louder.  
"I said, let go of my sister!" Damien screamed just as the door collapsed,  
allowing hordes of undead zombies into the apartment, stereotypically  
chanting 'brains' as the dragged, limped and shambled towards the living in  
the room. Another couch blew up...  
  
"Mom!!" raven screamed, pushing the gaudy purple jeweled veil out of her face  
and turning so fast that the jewel in her belly button dug into her stomach.  
"He's letting the undead into my house!" she fumed pointing at the zombies  
who were currently precariously perched inches from her head.  
  
"Damien," Saseko scolded halfhearted. "Tell you zombie friend to go home,  
they are scaring you sister."  
  
"They are not!" Raven howled. her mother smacked her over the head with the  
fan again, this time nearly knocking her unconscious, and changing the colors  
of the belly dancer garb from annoying purple to slightly less annoying  
green.  
  
The zombie's backed off, but did not leave. Damien continued his fuming.  
The table was now on fire...a whole chicken, feathered and gutted, now  
floated around clucking it's head off. Another couch blew up, then the  
TV...finally raven seemed to have enough of it.  
  
"WOULD YOU STOP BLOWING SHIT UP ALREADY!" she screamed, throwing a heavy  
object at her brother's head.  
  
"Mother! Did you see that!" Damien cried, turning away from Kruez. "She  
threw i rock at my head!"  
  
"it wasn't a rock, it was a bookend dear." Saseko said quietly and waved him  
away, admiring how her daughter looked in the teddy bear costume.  
  
"Get this damn thing off of me!" Raven screamed, picking up another bookend,  
ready to hurl it at the woman.  
  
"Oh, but you look so cute. Just one picture?" her mother pouted and raven  
looked very disgruntled.... Saseko snapped a quick picture and quickly hid  
the camera before Raven realized what had happened then whooped raven over  
the head. The teddy outfit suddenly became an extravagant Elizabethan gown  
of black and silver with a fine diamonds an black onyx tiara and fan to  
match. Raven snapped open the fan almost habitually and began to flutter it  
in annoyance. "Didn't i say to get those damned Zombies out of here?" she  
growled.  
  
Just then and unbelievably gorgeous man stepped over the ruined door,  
disregarding the fallen bits of zombie completely. His luscious pale purple  
hair hung artistically over the shoulders of his white  
uniform, which was decked out in a way that made him seem very princely.  
Sesako blinked in astonishment. Raven's fan began to flutter in an entirely  
different way. "Gomen," the man spoke his voice deep and sultry. He paused  
a moment to drink from the straw in the glass he was holding. "But can  
either of you beautiful young woman direct me to Barbados?" he continued  
after a refreshed sigh. Both woman pointed, each in a different direction.  
"Arigato gozaimasu."  
  
Just then the hoard of Zombies turned their heads faster than zombie-ly  
possible. They blinked...then blinked again. Then suddenly the hoard of  
zombies turned into a hoard of adorable short dark purple haired chibi neko  
girls with little black angel wings that kept the off them ground with so many  
excited flaps. "Ak-io-sa-ma!" Each chibi squealed in mass glee. Akio-sama  
quickly jumped into his car and drove away to the seductive sounds of George  
Michael's 'i want your sex' as a swarm of chibi moth-hime's trailed after  
him.  
  
Raven blinked.  
  
Sesako blinked.  
  
"Alright!" Raven declared, her fan returning to it's angry flutters after  
she returned from the momentary Akio induced coma. "Everyone out!" She  
snapped her fan closed, pointing toward the door.  
  
"All right sweetie, we'll leave you be. It was nice meeting you young man!"  
Sesako smiled at Kruez. "Come one Damien, sweetie, let's go see what's on TV."  
Her mother raised her fan high above her head and cried, "Bai bai!"   
Sesako and Damien were gone in a poof of smoke, taking all the  
zombie parts with them and returning that apartment to the state it had  
been...but leaving raven in her dress.  
  
Raven's fan still fluttered angrily at he breast. "I hate my family..." she  
grumbled.  
  
  
(You may blame this silliness on bejiin who put me in an I Want My Akio NOW!  
mood...)  
  
~raven sable~  
prince of the universe  
  
/7 i want your sex.../7  
  
  
  
  



End file.
